Winners. Losers. The Difference.
Standing in front of 200+ kids who were ready to eat me alive... I started off with this phrase, "Very few of you will be winners, majority of you will be losers, and there is a difference."
Woah. Talk about shock and awe from the faces of the kids.
Now, they were really focused on eating me alive until I explained to them what I really was saying.
In fact, what I told them is what I want to share with you in this newsletter, and I realize that what I am really saying is not what the title reflects.
Before we move forward, I want to ask a favor of you... clear your mind and allow focus as you read.
"Inspire others to raise their hand for greatness... not hang their head in compliance" -Dustin Dale
One of the first talks I delivered when I set out to "change the world" was to a high school that was inner-city and had its fair share of problems. The students had lived a life that most adults would crumble if they were put into the same environment and situations. These kids were tough and had to be tough because of their surroundings. But they were good kids.
Some feedback I received leading up to this talk was that most students struggled to accept the mission of achieving more.
I thought that was interesting because in business, how many of us (leaders) expect our employees to achieve the same mission? Step up and do more. Win more.
As I prepared for this motivational message, there was a theme that kept repeating over and over again as I was writing out what I wanted to say...
"Adversity" "Winning" "Losing"
These students already faced adversity their entire life and were reminded of that adversity just due to the fact that many had not moved on from the environment in which put them in that environment- whatever social/local issues that were happening. People around the community and beyond seen the youth at surface level and treated them as such (their environments).
So, as I kept writing the message, I realize one thing... I was only reinforcing what they already knew. "You will face adversity" Not very effective from point of view.
They have already heard over and over that they come from these cities, streets, and that they are in this "area" of the city, and so on and so on. What no one was telling them was the difference between being a winner and understanding losing. The difference between staying "here" and going "there".
I use this illustration below because I realize while writing this speech that I need to help them define their perspective so they could understand what "winning" looks like, and what "losing" looks like in order to handle the growth that was needed with maturity.
Perspective is the game changer in advancement!
As I realized what I was doing I quickly began to pivot to rewrite my focus for these students and thus, "Very few of you will be winners, majority of you will be losers, and there is a difference." was wrote out.
This phrase was not meant to be hurtful, but I needed it to be truthful. We tend to pay attention to something truthful because often it's impactful. I knew these phrases would allow me to have their attention so they could hear what I really wanted to say to them.
Very few of you will be winners...
This was already a reality that the majority of the students knew. Majority had already accepted the fact that 2 out 10 would go on to not become another product of the system they were in... This mindset created the disruptive behavior the majority displayed.
They already gave up and gave in before the chance to get up and get in came. Those who "win" often deny defeat before facing defeat.
There was not a focus on helping them shift their mindset away from the first thought being negative- there was not a focus of helping deny defeat as the first step.
This is why... "Very few of you will be winners" meaning that very few have the ability to deny defeat before defeat.
Majority of you will be losers...
I believe in the power of transparency, and I was transparent with these students that there is an aspect of life called losing. You cannot win at everything, nor will you win everything. If you run a race against someone else... only one of you will win, and if you tie and run again... only one of you will win eventually.
You cannot tie forever.
Majority of these young minds had already accepted being a "loser" and I do not mean that in the harmful context. I mean it in the context they were ready to give up and not put forth the effort to discover, learn, or find a path to betterment.
Why?
Perspective. During some part of their journey as they were aging came the idea through social influence, direct family, friends, or however that this "was as is" for their life. So, at a early age they began the process of accepting what is.
Those who find themselves losing before trying typically were/are influenced by something close to them. Most are influenced by the closest thing to them... their mind. This goes for all people as we are heavily influenced by our thoughts.
And there is a difference...
This was the part of the speech that I almost came to tears as I delivered it.
The difference.
When I looked across the room and seen all their faces, I realized that just maybe today at that very moment, and on that very day that I could potentially say one thing that made the... difference.
I shared with them that the difference in those who win in life, and those who lose is the difference in how they handle adversity. I shared that all of you have already been exposed to this concept more than many others, but one of the problems we (adults) have not done you a favor by failing to walk you through handling it to become a winner. We let you face it and said, "you can make it." But there is so much more.
I went on to spend a few hours with those students post talk and share stories and talk at a deep level of understanding that they had not experienced. They asked questions about life, business, having goals, describing their dreams and all of these things we expect kids to know nothing about...
They listen and observe more than we realize.
Bringing all of this home does involve leadership and life in general. The ideas I learned from understanding these students could help many adults I've met. In fact, it has become a great coaching point in my executive coaching program.
There is a winner and there is loser- understanding and accepting this concept is half the mental battle. We cannot say, "I'll never lose" because when we do lose, we have no idea what it looks like, how it feels, and how to handle it. This is where people spiral out of control.
Majority of people will tell themselves about the outcome before completing the task. Losers will already lose before they cross the finish line. In business and leadership- leaders dictate a losing attitude before they even talk to their teams/employees. It is critical that leaders/coaches understand their first thought can/will become the outcome or become the culture.
There is a difference. The difference is the perspective when the decision is made. If winning, then continue to craft the actions that lead to the win. In leadership if your employees win then let them celebrate while you focus and encourage them on the next project to elevate their success.
If losing is the outcome then accept it, and then define it. Define those moments where the information received/given could have been better or observe those moments where the mind needed to be redirected to see another vantage point. The worst thing to do is just accept defeat and give up on pursuit of the next challenge.
In order to win in life, win in business and win at becoming the best you can be is the aspect of accepting the outcome and adjusting to a better direction. Leaders must be comfortable with the fact that employees may struggle at times with losing or feeling like a loser. It is critical as a leader to create the culture and environment for employees to grow from failure.
Every single one of us reading this article at one point has been a loser. Don't sugarcoat it or relabel it. We (including) me at one point were losers. But I'd also go on to say that the majority of us redirected our situation and eventually found ourselves as a winner.
The key to this? The difference.
The difference between those who move on and those who cannot.